There is something about the first time you smoked that magical herb that shall resonate within you for the rest of your life. One might look at it as a memory comparable with losing your virginity, finishing a marathon, or watching your newborn take his first steps. The brief yet succulent inhale, the incessant giggles, and the subsequent 12 piece bucket of fried chicken you would otherwise turn your nose at; all clings to your mind’s eye with distinction and detail. If you grew up in the sunny Cape, then there is a 65% chance you have ingested marijuana, in one glorious form or another, before the age of 16. If you can’t get at least low-end Swazi on a Long Street corner, then you’re blind, deaf, or a Korean in military uniform. Here, where the sky is blue and the grass is most definitely green, a plant more natural than the genetically modified alien hormone sacks Woolworths pawn off as tomatoes, is illegal. I can promise you dreadlocked Jesus is crying into his water pipe at the disinformation and propaganda peddled by governmental organisations. But before my tin-foil hat begins to cut off my air supply, let’s look at the facts, and how far away are we from all this nonsense finally going up in smoke?
Currently, in all its legislative glory, weed is still a schedule 1 narcotic. This means that esteemed law enforcement officials view it in the same category as meth or heroin. Walk inside a stoner’s lair and what you see before you shall send shivers down your spine: empty chip packets, The Hangover re-runs on television, bead curtains, lava lumps, PEOPLE FUCKING HUGGGING EACH OTHER, it’s disgusting. Contrast this imagery with the sanctity of your friendly neighbourhood crack den: urine stained mattresses, empty needles, a buffet of hepatitis, and more cold sores than Serbia during flu season. Yet for some strange reason they are one and the same, intertwined in a cess pool of malevolence. We aren’t great at justice in this country, but sometimes we’re moronically ignorant; this would be one of those times.
To this day there has not been one South African government sponsored study into the health benefits of marijuana. There has also, in 10 000 years of known use, never been a marijuana related death. In fact, according to Dr. Paul Hornby, a biochemist at the University of Columbia, one would have to smoke roughly 15 000 joints in 20 minutes to overdose on THC, and while there have been many hippies that have tried, they are very much alive, and the tie-dye industry is thriving. The conservative Godly Republicans of the former administration conducted research that showed over 200 diseases responded favourably to a bit of Dagga. And with Alzheimer’s, MS, Epilepsy, Arthritis and Depression all taking a sturdy nut sack to the chin as a result of pot; surely there’s at least cause for an investigation from the ANC hierarchy?
So why we are not allowed to light-up? No seriously please someone share their cosmic knowledge with me. A non-violent, non-invasive substance whose side effects may include happiness and only negatively impacts on short-term memory loss, is illegal, while barely tested experimental prescription drugs kill over 10 000 Americans per year? It’s those pharmaceutical son’s of whores who don’t want you growing some herb that lays an organic turd on their genetically modified bottom line. The downbeat impact it would have on big business is colossal, and their tentacles set precedents that are hard to shake even by our local impressionable government.
Yet we are moving in the right direction. There are propositions going to the “High” Court to test the constitutionality of criminalized cannabis, headed by fervent activists like the Dagga Couple (www.daggacouple.co.za) and the Dagga Party, a registered political organisation (www.daggaparty.co.za) , with a growing number of signed petitions. This is a taxable resource that sees grand scale tourism benefits, and could far outweigh VAT accumulated on prescription medication. Amsterdam’s previously staunch leaning to only allow locals to partake in their coffee shops, is now on the recline, as the global weed Mecca derives such profits from travelling indulgers. Americans in 5 states will vote today, and while “Romnama” fever remains the focal point, they will lend their voices to the call for legalization under federal law. Our electoral system is so warped, that we as citizens have no say. But we are slowly removing the gag ball imposed upon us by the ANC dominatrix. We are still a way off, and are under no illusion that we shall be using vaporizers on Clifton any time soon. But a well controlled industry, with appropriate restrictions, will ultimately advantage everyone and could potentially become a realization in the next decade. Im sure we could get some major fast food chains, art class teachers, video game salesmen and psychedelic lounge music producers on board, where as the only dire supporters of alcohol would be bars, bottle stores and hospitals. Drunken ofes ruin lives, stoned ofes eat 5 Big Mac meals and ruin stomach linings: Who do you support?
*Follow @Stroobz on Twitter as he proves hes not a hippy by taking his hemp-woven hessian underwear off in one swift motion, and offers Nonhle Themba a space cookie, because that bitch needa chill