KittyKat… she’s not cynical at all :)
Hey everyone- in our ever persistent search for the best young blog writing talent out there we’re giving a shot to KittyKat… Here’s a little something that she put together for us this morning… She’s a little cynical- but then again who isnt? 
Let us know what you think!
So once again it is a dreaded Monday morning and I am not pleased to say that the FIFA world cup fever is filtering in. You see, it’s not that I’m not patriotic or anything, it’s just that all these unpatriotic morons who complain about the country all the time are wearing these stupid SA flags on their car mirrors. What’s even better is the fact that when you buy this awesome pair of flags (through a street vendor), put them on your car mirrors, you can expect to find them “missing” or stolen from your car about 2 days later. It seems (from what I’ve heard/seen) that the vendors steal back these flags in parking lots to re-sell to their next victim. NOW HOW IS THAT FOR SA PATRIOTISM!!!
In addition to this, the thought of some idiot (usually the local bergie who lives at the bottom of my road) blowing a Vuvuzela so enthusiastically at 5am on a Sunday morning, is only encouragement for me to take out a moulding apple and throw it at his head. Some patriotic morons would say that the blasting of a Vuvuzela is by far better than a bergie’s usual banter with his wife concerning how she finished all the mentholated spirits without him? Well for me, it really is a toss up. But once again, as I said, it’s not that I’m not patriotic or anything.
Oh but wait there’s more. You know that highway in Cape Town that was built years ago and never finished (the one where if you take the wrong turn you could end up driving off it?) Well, Cape Town is so clever, because now, 30 years later, they have decided to take this safety hazard into their own hands and block the edge of it off with a crass looking 20 meter vuvuzela. It’s so big that I’m sure only Julius Malema’s big head could blow such a thing. Oh and don’t forget, of course it is sponsored by the Chinese. Thanks China, you can now secretly bring in another 1000 truck loads of your people into our country without anyone complaining, how’s that for pure patriotism ey?
Now that I think about it we may actually need these illegal foreigners in our country so that they can help us import all our SA fifa world cup consumables which were made in China. Wow, you see, Africans do have foresight. I mean what would we do without our car mirror flags, our life size Zakumi the lion (oh s*** sorry, leopard) Mascot toys or even our vuvuzelas made by exploited Chinese children? Wow, all of this makes me so proud!
But alas there is good news (and to be honest I don’t know how long this will last): THE ROADS ARE EMPTY!!! It seems that everyone has gone on leave/left the country, as driving into the centre of the city this morning was pleasant for once. It was so pleasant that I think I only swore out loud once… can you believe it? And to make it better I don’t even think I used the F word. This may be the only positive experience I have of this “once in a life time event”. Maybe if I am lucky and Fifa did a good enough job, I will be able to enjoy this luxury for the next world cup month to come. Oh please South Africa throw me a bone, for I promise I am not, not patriotic and no traffic will be something to celebrate.
KittyKat xox
63 Comments
Kitty Kat come on now… your shit is weak!
i feel so sorry for people like you that have such a cynical view. life must be tough!
this blog definitely isn’t up to mycitybynight standards… sorry
James we are here to inspire and encourage young writers and in the case of kitty kat the not so young… Kitty you say you know Onaj, but I myself one of the personalities that represents this online identity/celeb can only say that u don’t know Onaj.
Apparently the world cup was canceled… saw it on the news.
@meh, most cynical articles are based on macro or detached views which you so nicely put are “so beginning of may”. However the point of this article is to give a silly and satiracal personal view.
U know nothing!!! world cup Fevah is here sinyayo! vuvu’s be blowing people be singing, chanting getting the african fevah and culture flowing and letting us unite as a nation!!
Get some Geees and get some Love this is your country and you dont have the FEVAH so dont knock everyone else and complain its a time for love and joy and national unity and to embrace the foreign people
SO BIG UP SOUTH AFRICA COMON BAFANA AND PUSH ALL YOUR ENERGIES TO BAFANA IN THIS WORLD CUP!!
Oh, big city bass, loving the comment
Giant Vuvuzelas,and Zakumi FTW!
Trying a bit too hard to "not be cynical at all". Fifa cynicism is so beginning of May.
Oh oh… Wait for it, OH. Tell me something new…
Onaj I have known you for many years so I take that as a compliment;)
I love that large Vuuuv on the highway, thought it was a clever way to use, such useless space…
@ Jeremy, well done, you’re clever enough to look up a definition on wikipedia and actually admit to it. Blind!
Kitty kat, have a break, have a kitkat, haha sorry I just had to. Kit kat meow mix whatever, we here at mcbn enjoy the funny side of life what not, but ur post could held some weight if u made it funny or attempted to crack a joke.
Like Namibia hosting the world cup oh wait… U r Namibian so there u go, now u can come up with lots of witty things to say about ‘our’ nation building, soccer dreams and what not pms issue u have, agony aunt murial seems a lot sweeter. Maybe you can start write her pieces and she can do the same for you
and kids play nice we can be killing for this lil slip up, atleast her post had more substance than ‘Fanbox’ “I can’t use toy box cause it just makes me think of battery operated toys being shoved into a greasy box”
So let’s all say welkomin to our namibian connectiom
Satire: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
The only stupidity exposed by this so called ‘satire’ is your own.
yea, I credit my sources, agian whats your point? its not that i did not know what satire was, i just wanted to give you a definition.(because you clearly needed one)
I am actually clever enough to look up a definition, and then explain why what you wrote was in fact not what you claim it to be, using logic.
and your response is weak, cant you just acccept that you had a little rant, got it published (not sure how that got past the editors), had your 15 min (and 27 comments) and we can all move on with our lives.
Hmm… So maybe its a case of- “the tribe has spoken, bring your torch over to be extinguished immediately”
I think that given the current levels of gees in South Africa, KittyKat possibly chose the wrong topic to be a little bit sarcastic/cynical/not cynical about…
Ag well I guess thats what its all about- free speech from the MyCityByNight massive! And what a discerning bunch you all are- all armed with ultra ayobaness
Oh and Onaj- i sense a degree of dislike for Toybox… care to elaborate??
@Stu, no, not at all infact, you’re over estimating me. I don’t even have a matric. I just write this stuff to see how people with too much time and short fuses engage with something as silly as this article. In fact all of you have made my day!
Everyone knows: You never go full retard.
Who gives a shit who made the giant vuvuzela, it's sweet and I think it's in perfect taste and a great idea, and I can't think of a better place for it to be situated. It put a smile on my face the first time I saw it. Hopefully you take full advantage of your only positive experience and remain in your car for the duration of the World Cup, we don't need a kiff attitude like yours putting a dampener on everybody else's World Cup celebrations.
I can't wait, bring on 2010!
PS: Zakumi is the best!
Stroob FTW
I think she sleeping with the editors to slip this one past…
Kit kat by saying we readers have too much time on our hands imply that the readers of this here blog are useless, and shouldn’t be reading this blog but worrying about the world cup and our precious wings? if it is like that then I will stop reading and find other things to do with my time seeing as MCBN isn’t worthy of our time or input. Watch what you say, you might be bad for business…
Where kreg and ricky in all this???
The views, opinions, positions and comments expressed by the authors and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, positions or strategies of MyCityByNight, or any employee thereof. MCBN make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or bad satire, and any resultant loss, injury, or emotional damages that may arise from its display or use.
Now that is Satire!!!!!
Just to end off, I own my own Vuvuzela, love the big one on the high way and am seriously considering buying a flag for my mirror. You see, even I can take a joke. May you all sleep well tonight.
Horris, were you watching the Uzbekistan news?
Pity you are so cynical Kittykat – this next month is going to be a miserable time for you. I hope you find something that will inspire you.
Kitty Kat, did someone with a vuvuzela take the jam out of your doughnut?
What is your point exactly? That the world cup is less than two weeks away, and your biggest issue is a large plastic Vuvuzela.
Iv heard Vuvuzelas whilst in my house, and it puts a smile on my face, lets me know that its almost here!
Im loving the flags, wing mirrors (saw one this morning over a petrol cap) this is the signs of a nation uniting.
There is an air of optimism. a hope that is being eroded by your cynical, somewhat isolated interpretation of what’s going on around you. It seems that you are missing the bigger picture. If a few flags go missing, who really gives a shit? This is Africa after all.
If you want to write about something, write about all the fucking flags that are upside down!
Kitty Kat, stop taking a dump all over the world cup and your fellow South Africans, go find yourself another cat box!
Hi again Kittykat – forgot to tell you that I have had my mirror covers stolen and one of my flags blew off – but no worries – I have got the GEES – I just bought some more!!
Hyundai is Korean………
Yoh! So over people who only complain! Our Country is so siff this and so siff that! Come now! Did u know that in Sao Paulo they kidnap grown-ass men! Seriously! People are so narrow minded! We dont have Hurricanes, we dont have earthquakes, we dont have tornados and all you can complain about is that a World Class Event is coming to our country and that our Mirror flags get stolen and re-sold! i think that is a brilliant way to capitalize!
As for the bridge(which you need special permission to even get to), they cant complete it because of safety reasons and they wont knock it down, because they make money off it from commercial ads.
I agree that the sound coming from a Vuvuzela is the most annoying thing since Ty Pennington(extreme home make-over), but it symbolises something greater than a siff sound. Did u not see how many Bulls supporters were blowing them in Soweto? That was a huge step forward for SA.
but lets forget about that, and rather complain about R80 mirror flags.
Dear All
It seems I hit a nerve, it seems that this article which is meant to be more satirical has been taken a little more seriously than the ANC would take a Zapiro cartoon. I cannot compare myself to such a legend but I do want to say thanks for all the responses… your passion for SA is inspiring:)
Satire requires greater depth of thought!
A poor piece of writing and definitely a waste of blog space.. I’m sure KityKat could’ve found a way to get the same point across in a facebook status..
Blog Administrators would have done well to put up drunk pictures from the past weekend instead of this largely unfounded attempt at free speech…
But because this is in no way a personal attack let me add some friendly advice which KityKat may embrace at her leisure:
get a good dose of fuckit in your system my dear – preferably before next monday morning
.. Best achieved through generous applications of “the dick” and/or Tetrahydrocannabinol, either way KityKat u shall be in my prayers that ur writing improves (as well as ur understanding of the satirical form)
ESSENTIALLY:
South Africa Rocks..who cares if we make mistakes, we are a new democracy trying to find our feet… we are hosting the flippen soccer world cup in our country.. i think we are doing well for ourselves
peace.
Is this chick being serious? I just got sent this link from a trustworthy source asking me to check this article out (apparently I might like it). This was obviously a joke as I cannot believe I just wasted 2 and a half minutes of my life on this awful and completely unconstructive piece of literature.
There's not a trace of fact or truth throughout the article, rather it’s populated with the voice of a cynical, highly pessimistic female who in my opinion doesn’t belong on this site at all…….. ever.
1. The massive vuvuzela on the highway is f#$%#@ awesome. You are the first individual I have come across who has complained about it. Every time I see it I think to myself "at last the government has done something with that embarrassing piece of incomplete highway and replaced it with a national monument". An intelligent move if you ask me!
2. I’m not too sure if you have realized but pretty much everything is manufactured in China for obvious reasons (A bulk range of diverse goods at prices not available if manufacturing locally being the most important) …Dummy… That doesn't say that the clever South Africans who are importing these are not making fair business/profits out of it. I actually know a group of people who are currently selling these car wings, a nice bunch of entrepreneurial students who have seen an opportunity and turned it into a business. My praise goes to all people of these type who are helping to strengthen our economy…. 1 start up at a time.
3. If you are an idiot and you leave your wings on when you park on the street then yes there is a good chance your "wings" will get stolen. But have some brains; if you leave a can of coke on your bonnet overnight or a ten rand note do u think it would still be there in the morning? Take a second , if you are in a case where they could be stolen, just take them off and place them inside your car. Ideal….NO but until they can up with thief proof car wings you are just going to have to suffer.
In conclusion I feel slightly guilty for taking time to comment but I hope you realise that this sort of attitude is unwelcome in our country, in Cape Town and especially not on My City By Night
Craig I’m sorry but computer says no…..
Passion pride and the support of bafana is all you need this worlD cup!!! big ups BAFANA
@Jeremy, satire sometimes requires depth of thought from the writer, but more importantly requires a sense of humour from the reader. So sit back and just have a laugh… it's not necessary to take yourself so seriously
@ neil, you're funny, nice point
why wont you post my comment? whats going on here…. moderation… what is that
Um, Kittykat. Trust me, I have a sense of humor. A few of the people that have commented here can vouch for that.
Just a little definition for you from Wikipedia
"Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its purpose is often not so much humour for its own sake as an attack on something strongly disapproved by the satirist, using the weapon of wit."
From what I could see, your only attack was on people getting into the gees! And it was not done in a humorous fashion. It also lacked the aforementioned wit which might have contributed to generating a bit of humor.
I got no issue with you having a rant (god knows I do!), but please don’t try to pass it off as something more than that.
Actually ……..I don't think this blog has EVER had so many responses
It's all well and good to write a satirical piece about our country. But please if you are going to do so, make sure you have the intelligence to pull it off. Let me guess..you got your matric in english, went to varsity, did a B.A in film and media and now think you have the right to write pieces of absolute no substance whatsoever for the general public.
Retard.
the blog wasn't funny…
hey KittyKat…
Funny well written, evoked thought and encouraged debate!
I agree traffic is better and I am a victim of the flags on the mirror and a victim of having them stolen 3 days later!! Indeed it is Africa
VIVA World C in SA ….. but FIFA you suck!!!
Not reading all this – but think most of you are missing the point of the article – i though it was pretty good….
cant handle the heat? get out of africa…
Didnt even manage a smile during the article. thought it really was weak sh1t. I fucking hate fifa, and IMO how they are using our country our hospitality and our love for football… If you had slammed them Id be all with you, but im still actually trying to figure out what you were writing about? maybe u had a bad weekend or bad night last night, please dont make us suffer for it…
Peanut Gallery, I beg to see your writing as I'm sure what I've achieved (3rd most read atricle in africa yesterday) by working on a peice for 30 mins (at the most) would only be sometthing you could dream of…
ahhh cynicism, an ever raging platform for you to vent anger and frustration. of course cynicism portrayed without substance is nothing but bitterness. Satire? surely that requires a joke? surely humour would be touted as a pre-requisite? you repeat yourself, you lack wit, you lack any foundation. ironically by being so inept at portraying your point you actually get people who are impartial about your cause to vote against you. so you've had the direct opposite ideal as what you set out to achieve. glad you admit to not having a matric, because you would have been indictment on the kids that attend that school.
MCBN… why oh why? come guys……
Hey kit kat, just take a break already, you may be the 3rd most read article in africa and most prob took top honors for worst post in africa. And the reason it the 3rd spot for the reason that ppl kept coming back and laughing at the stuff you commenting well, clearly 30min didn't cut so time to move along with your writing career, btw peanut gallery did make a few good points, go get some dick…
Guys- I think it was mission success as far as we’re concerned- caused quite a furore and got all of you chatting… Clearly Kittykat hasn’t made the MyCityByNight team… I am very stoked that you all are so passionate about keeping our essence
viva Vuuvs, viva south africa!!
Was actually in the process of writing the same thing, I am honestly PROUD to see how much commitment and encouragement everyone out there has for Cape Town and Bafana and everything to do with this World Cup…
Its going to be a great success… THE BEST EVER!
Giant Vuuvs for the win!
this is just weak… come on guys!! don't you read these things before you put them up?! i mean kitty kat is getting deep here and she doesn't even have her facts straight. what did the poor chinese do, leave them out of this!! hyundai is korean… seriously ricky and kreg, we expect better!! and no offence kitty kat, but i only read this because i heard it was that bad. i'm sure i'm not the only one…
i concure Kreg
"Giant Vuuvs FTW!" awe
@ KityKat: 3rd most read article in Africa… okayyy im not sure about the stats, but i wouldnt start bragging just yet..
taking the number of people who can read and adding that to the number of people who have access to the internet.. (lets take the square root of that just for fun) qualifying as the 3rd most read article in AFRICA … errr not saying much.. unless im just being Cynical..