But there is one thing old ‘Arry is renowned for, and that is for blowing his top off, whether it’s at his players, management or the press. And he loves to properly cuss them out in the process. Following Tottenham’s surprising home defeat to Wigan a week ago, Redknapp was faced with a comment he couldn’t handle from Sky Sports reporter Rob Palmer, who said “You’ve made your name as a wheeler and a dealer but there has not been much wheeling and dealing here”.

“Fuck off” Rednkapp snapped as he tore off the earpiece and walked away, “I’m not a wheeler and dealer, fuck off. I’ve not made my name as a wheeler and dealer, don’t say that, I’m a fucking football manager”.

Talk about losing your cool! The clip of Harry giving Rob Palmer a rinsing has already become something of a YouTube hit, with more than 400 000 views on the video-sharing website.

NSFW!!!!!! (not suitable for work)- if people are easily offended by swearing- put some earphones on

Well, imagine discovering something that went down five years after one of these benders occurred. According to a report on Sky News, this is what happened to a 35-year-old Polish man, who found a bullet that had been lodged in the back of his head for five years because he was too drunk to realise he had been shot at a New Years party.

The man was at a street party when he was capped by a .22-calibre bullet in the western town of Herne, Germany. The bullet did not penetrate his skull and police said he only went to see a doctor when he felt a lump in the back of his head, believed to have formed when the wound around the bullet healed. After an X-ray showed an object under his skin, doctors operated and found the projectile.

According to a police spokesman, police believe the bullet may have been fired into the air in celebration by a fellow partygoer (because busting caps in the air is how you really celebrate a new year in Germany, apparently. No different to Hillbrow, then…) and the bullet entered his head on the way down.

The man told the police he remember taking a blow to the head “in 2004 or 2005” but did not get medical attention and forgot about the incident because he had been very drunk and was not really “one for going to the doctor”. He did, however, recall having a terrible hangover.

To be honest, if I was walking around with a fresh bullet wound in the back of my head, I don’t think a greasy egg-bacon sandwich and a Coke is going to make that headache go away…..

The entire movie and TV world is awash with fairly emo vampires, werewolves and pixies that never actually kill anybody… it really is terribly sad. Rather than release yet another Twilight movie- which I am sure will happen soon enough for all of you Ed/Jacob fans… IN 3D!! (bleh)- Hollywood has given us a spoof that is definitely close to Police Academy levels of funny.

Check out the trailer for Vampires Suck over here:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

 P. Niss

 The Response

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Well, imagine being Sylvain Quimene, a Frenchman who has been tipped for stardom after being crowned the world’s best air guitarist, not for the first time, but the second year in a row.

Performing as Gunther Love, he played his way to success in a performance at the 15th Air Guitar World Championship held in Oulu in northern Finland.

Contestants from Japan, Malaysia, the UK, Canada, Germany, Slovakia, Russia, Mexico and Brazil flew in for the event in the remote town near the Arctic Circle.

Each finalist had to perform twice; once with their own choice of song and the second time with a performance of Jimi Hendrix’s Foxy Lady.

About 8000 gathered at the Oulu marketplace to watch the 41 contestants in total, which included one of the youngest competitors ever, 10-year-old Aapo “Little Angus” Rautio – who finished sixth. The Grand Final witnessed snapping strings and fainting groupies, as contestants fought for the ultimate command of the air.

“This is something anyone can do, maybe you can be on stage some day, anyone can be on stage. Maybe that could be the reason why people like this so much,” said veteran jury member and musician Juha Torvinen.

Winner Gunther Love suspected he knew why he had triumphed for the second time.

“Why did I win? I think it’s only the gold pants, you know gold, you are first, next year I will come with a silver pants … for the second. That’s the only reason.”

Whilst the Frenchman’s statement made as much sense as a conversation with Kreg after the seventh tequila, he did nevertheless walk away with the main prize for the second time, a handmade Flying Finn electric guitar.

According to the judges, musical talent was not necessary nor is the ability to play an actual guitar. The winner was chosen for his or her ability to move around the stage playing the air guitar as realistically as possible. According to the website, The purpose of the Air Guitar World Championships is “to promote world peace. According to the ideology of the Air Guitar, wars would end, climate change stop and all bad things disappear, if all the people in the world played the Air Guitar. This is why the whole universe is invited to play the Air Guitar for the world peace at the end of the competition.”

I just don’t know how I didn’t realise that earlier. Global conflict resolution can be solved by wearing gold pants and pretending to play an instrument. How has Obama not caught on yet? I mean… it’s…. it’s just so obvious.

Courage the Cowardly Dog starts my badguy list off at the number 5 position. Differing slightly from your traditional cartoon villain I’ve included the likes of this rather adorable pup. You see often, rather than the ulterly mad cast of monsters, aliens, asian ravers and mad scientists that plague him and his owners Muriel and Eustace Bagge, this small pink dog is his own worst enemy. Abandoned as a puppy, Courage was adopted by Muriel Bagge, a sweet-natured but blissfully unaware Scottish woman, and her husband, Eustace, a grumpy farmer who hates Courage.

The little dog is afraid of arbitrary things like fluff and Nataniel and often causes himself far more grief than most of the villains he encounters in Nowhere- Kansas.

For being his own worst enemy- Courage starts of the likes of this very auspicious list.

This awesome list has its number 4 spot occupied by the likes of the endlessly devious sorcerer Gargamel. In the fictional world of the Smurfs, Gargamel is a wizard sorcerer guy who has badly thinning hair and penchant for wearing black coats.

While Smurfs fanatics describe the sworn enemy of these little blue guys as a wizard it is worth noting that he doesn’t actually have any magical powers per se, but can definitely mix up a good magical potion like a more evil (I know) Tom Cruise from Cocktail.  

Convinced with capturing the Smurfs so that they can be used to create the mystical potion needed to turn base matter into gold, Gargamel the Gold digger earns my number 4 spot.

Skeletor – Apart from being the name that we fondly call tik-heads by, this is also the name of the number 3 baddest cartoon villain of all time. Skeletor is the main badguy from the thoroughly entertaining He-Man series of the 80’s. He was quite a buff ou with a purple hood over his yellow bare-bone skull (am I the only one who thinks that sounds sexual?).

Skeletor was always trying to conquer Castle Grayskull so he could learn all of its secrets, making him unstoppable and able to conquer the likes of Eternia relatively chilled-like.

The cloak-wearing bad guy (noticing a theme here?) had a large array of mystical powers and better mixing skills than Gargamel when it came to magical potions with cute umbrellas in them. Apart from being a killer barman (haha, see what I did there) he also wasn’t scared to drop science on shit- having created various machines and devices in both the Filmation and New Adventures animated He-Man series.

For combining science, bartending and the Posh Spice skinny look, the devious Skeletor sits at number 3.

I’ve listed both the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote at number 2, because to be honest I am not entirely sure which one is the badguy.

Wile E. Coyote would make use of mad contraptions and extremely elaborate plans to pursue the likes of that beep-beeping cocky bird, who would almost always make a fool out of the poor guy, causing him a considerable amount of physical and irreversible emotional pain.

As in most cartoons, the Road Runner and Coyote follow the laws of cartoon physics. What are those you ask? Well:

In “Chuck Amuck: The Life and Times Of An Animated Cartoonist”, it is claimed that Chuck Jones and the artists behind the Road Runner and Wile E. cartoons adhered to some simple but strict rules:

1. Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going “beep, beep.”
2. No outside force can harm the Coyote—only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products. Trains and trucks were the exception from time to time.
3. The Coyote could stop anytime—IF he were not a fanatic. (Repeat: “A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim.” —George Santayana).
4. No dialogue ever, except “beep, beep” and yowling in pain.
5. Road Runner must stay on the road—for no other reason than that he’s a roadrunner.
6. All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters—the southwest American desert.
7. All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.
8. Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote’s greatest enemy.
9. The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.
10. The audience’s sympathy must remain with the Coyote.
11. The Coyote is not allowed to catch the road runner.

For keeping to a badguy code- the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote sit at my penultimate spot on the badguy list.

As everyone who grew up in the 80’s will know, neither Hitler nor that smoke thing from Lost is the universe’s most evil genius. They were all pretty badass dudes/smoke things, but nothing they ever did would qualify them as evil on a galactic scale. Krang- the most Evil Genius in the Universe, travelled through time and space to wreak havoc on alien planets including the likes of earth (which in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, consisted only of New York and Chicago). Yes that’s right, I am talking about the one and only, weirdly high-voiced, disembodied pink brain named Krang. He is both brilliant and crazy, with a side order of sinister – And lets get real, anybody that looks like him and is still able to command the respect of a couple of crime-fighting mutant turtles and a wise, robe-adorned Rat deserves the number one spot.

Once the Ruler of Dimension X, Krang came to Earth with his Technodrome (which lost its record as the world’s largest gadget when the Large Hadron Collider was built), decided to destroy said Earth with his new friend, Shredder, for reasons obviously related to his hatred for pepperoni and skating turtles along with speaking rats etc. His plans were so devious that they outsmarted the likes of himself- a true characteristic of an evil genius.

As the number 1 badguy on my list- I feel that there are still too many questions surrounding Krang and his cryptic dealings with talking animals that need answering like:

Why hate humanity so bad?  

Why is the Technodrome always breaking down?

Why build yourself a bald robo-suit wearing only red underwear and metal shoulder pads?

Krang…YOU are truely evil!

Hello. Good Morning

I noticed the other day that our friends over at CapeTownAlive had done a bit of searching into the past- not only did they discover that Persians were never friendly neighbours but also the fact that there a few old blog posts floating around the internet from yours truely that people have maybe forgotten or dont really know about.

Being the spokesperson for unreigned self-promotion that I am, I thought that it would be kinda cool to open up the MyCityByNight vaults and bring you a couple of posts from back in the day- that I quite enjoyed writing and that some of you- kinda digged reading (just for old time’s sake).

The first one is about being 20something and dealing with all the kak that we have to:

Being 20something- Surviving the quarter-life crisis

Next up is a little bit of investigative journalism that I undertook- fast cars, police, pimps (ok maybe not pimps).

A night as a streetracer

And then finally to end this rather enlightening journey back into time was a post on the very important matter of manscaping…

Matters of Manscaping

Aah… How times have changed since then… We were but exuberant party animals with 9-5′s looking for an outlet for our creative juices and now look at us-

Um… Ok I thought that was going to end better.

Hey at least we’ve got all of you- and to me thats worth more than a brand new internet bundle

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ’0ral sex’ will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.
‘ The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room.
‘What happened!?’ they cried. The husband said, ‘I’m not sure; maybe she choked.’

Hahaha! Boooom!

Thats right- even FHM said that this was going to be the bomb and I dont see them giving any tickets away… All you have to do is click over HERE and get your name down for 1 of the 2 sets of double tickets we have on offer!

Whaaat??? Easy enough I think

Yay… I cant wait to go… and laugh like a little school girl… very suave.

I know that this is something that all of you think about, but never ever talk about! Probably because poo as a topic of conversation doesn’t lead to anyone solving world hunger.

In the past you might have been chilling out a date’s place waiting for them to get ready when all of a sudden Mr Hanky has needed to pop out and spread some christmas cheer. Eeek! Gasp! So now what- do you go off to your date’s bathroom and run the risk of having a Dumb and Dumber moment where the toilet is broken unbeknown to you up until the point where you have to flush your sneaky deposit. Hmm, I don’t know if I’d take the risk! I mean shit I start to breathe more frantically when I need to have a wee at a date’s place because I’m worried that the sound of the splashing will be somehow inappropriate.

Could you think of anything more embarrassing than explaining to your date that you’ve left a horrid looking floater stuck there?? Even if it does eventually make its way down to the home of Master Splinter and the Ninja Turtles there’s always the worry that it’ll be smelly instantly negating any good done by your Hugo Energise that you’ve invested so much of your hard earned cash. I think that this is probably a whole lot more terrifying for the girls out there- I know how you all like to pretent that when you go to bathroom its all sparkles and glitter- could you imagine the convo between you and your boy? “THAT thing came out of YOU???!!”.

Yes so you see what I mean- Well what I recommend is hold it in- rather don’t take the chance and if you absolutely have to- run some water to drown out the sounds of well… you know.

Maybe I think too much and nobody actually cares… Hell I don’t know!

Back in the day when I was at school, I was fortunate enough to have some of the most awesome lunch box contents that a school playground had ever seen- there were choccies, fruit, 2 juices (for small AND big break) and bread with the crusts cut off of them, cos thats how I used to roll- meaning that the contents of my lunchbox were highly coveted across the very dangerous landscape of the Bishops (hehe, yes both Kreg & I are fine products of this school- oi all of their hard work for us to go and write blogs).

This meant that I would often have to fight other school kids to the death to protect my balanced and tasty lunch popped in my awesome gran who used to rock things for me back in the ruler and divider days.

If only they had invented something as awesome as the anti-theft lunch bag back in those days… there definitely would’ve been far fewer fights and a whole lot less dead school children. Order away kids!

As a South African its almost a right of passage of sorts to have an inherent disliking for all things Australian. Every now and again they do churn out something worthy of export like Vauxhual Vectra and the absolutely hilarious comedian and singer Kevin Bloody Wilson.

He is a politically incorrect Aussie (is there any other type?) who applies his trade as a comic-musician, cracking up audiences around the globe with hits like “Don’t touch your sister”, “Festival of farts”, “Santa was stoned” and “The last lager waltz” (all of which contribute to his massive 3.5 million sales worldwide). MyCityByNight is certainly very amped to go and check him out when he is in Cape Town next week- he’s just the right amount of crass to make us chuckle. We felt that this feeling of excitement should also be shared with likes of you- our much beloved and blog awards nominating family…

That’s right- Corporate Image has supplied us with 2 sets of Double tickets to the event at the GrandWest Arena next Thursday and here’s what you need to do:

Leave a comment on this post describing why you and a guest should get the tickets and have the opportunity to laugh at an Aussie without worrying about being murdered by a rusty spoon… There we go- easy enough.

Best two entries get the tickets! Winners announced on Wednesday next week.

KEVIN BLOODY WILSON

Comedy/Music

Date/Venue       Thursday, 26 August – GrandWest Grand Arena

Time                 Doors open at 19h00, show starts at 20h15

Duration            2h 20min

Cost                 R149 to R289

Tickets             Computicket

Age                  Definitely no under 18’s!

Date/Venue       Friday 27 & Saturday 28 August – Carnival City Big Top

Time                 Doors open at 19h00, show starts at 20h15

Duration            2h 20min

Cost                 R149 to R289

Tickets              Computicket

Age                  Definitely no under 18’s!

A Hungarian Roman Catholic priest from Budapest has become an overnight YouTube success with his distinctive method of spreading the gospel on a skateboard. The Reverend Zoltan Lendvai, 45, who lives and preaches in Redics, a small village on Hungary’s border with Slovenia, believes skateboarding can open the way to God for young people.

“Many times I have felt that this is the way I can bring many people a bit closer to Jesus,” he told Reuters.

Apparently three boys aged between 16 and 18 who had never attended church before started coming regularly after he showed them a few kickflips and ollies and the power the holy spirit gave him to do gnarly Tony Hawk type tricks.

The video of him in action has attracted close to 190 000 hits and now also has a music video version. I’m just waiting for his introduction as a character in the next Tony Hawk pro skateboarding game on the Xbox and PS3- I know I’d pick him and sprinkle holy water on my foes as I kickflipped my way through some awesome halfpipes.

So here it is, your entry to the outdoor dance scene for the 2010/2011 season… Looks like he has double dropped some serious shit! This kid is going to be quite something when he grows up! (Really gets going at about 50 seconds in)

There some proper mad levels! So we want you to send us some videos from your crazy party vibes! You know we’ll make you famous!

Boooom!

Awesome, it doesnt get much better then that!

Now, the important stuff… It’s your start of week Idols fix from the MyCityByNight Crew, brought to you the MyCityByNight way… Direct and ASAP!

As per previous week, we’ve sifted through the crap, to bring you the singers, the mooiness, the guyness and the special cases in between, so that you don’t have to and can enjoy the awesomeness of Idols in a short MCBN special! SO here it is in technicolor and dont forget that these and loads of other videoas are available on our YouTube channel. Just click here!

IDOLS UPDATE No.3

Following on from the Idols update No.1 in CT, Durban and Jozi, this week was the turn of Bloem and PE… A first for Bloem too!

The 2 guest judge were was Loyiso Bala and Hip Hop Pantsula aka HHP. There was no Gareth in PE so only 2 ‘yesses’ were needed. Gareth you were missed my man, as I’m sure there were a few that got through that might not have if 3 ‘yesses’ were needed.
So what would the new comers in Bloem have to offer… some clangers? Some talent? Both? Neither?
Well just take a look below and you shall see!

The guest judge in Bloem was Loyiso Bala.

Loyiso was BRILLIANT! My man, you deserve all you have got and you were at least helpful and constructive, even to the completely useless characters! Kudos and thanks for being a good judge!

Now to the talent of Bloem, or should I say lack of! What a joke! Is everyone related there or something? Seriously, how can so many people be so crap! I mean even the local radio station who I won’t give the pleasure of mentioning sent in an audition, no I mean actually sent in an audition, that is a guy dressed as the mascot of the station! WTF!
Anyway there was some light with the arrival of Bruce Springsteen fan (and who isn’t if they know and like music) that goes by the name of Pieter West. Pieter, you rocked my guy and good luck to you! Some other mentions go out to Funeke, Gail and Serame who all got through.

Followed swiftly by why I say is everyone related there… A goat! Ok freak show!

Now onto PE where the guest judge HHP. HHP, let me point out that you have, what you are in your name. Let me show you… Hip Hop PANTSula. You are the most useless, unconstructive, irritating childish, try hard I have ever seen or heard in my life, and I personally think your music is SHITE, and if I didn’t, I do now! WHAT A COMPLETE ASS! They would have been better off have 2 judges than this muppet there!

Now the talent, or again, lack there of! I wont dare say they all related in PE, but maybe some of the people from the Bloem auditions infected you guy because you were SHITE too! I watched 45 minutes of Idol trying my ass off not to turn it off (that my dedication to you MCBN’ers). A measly 12 of you went through and the edited all but 3 of those out! So well done to Sipokazi, Simon and no.12783 as well as the 9 of you! Simon Shaw, we chose you as our video as you have a sweet old Jack Johnson vibe going and we love Jacky J here at MCBN!

As for the clangers, well here is one, because you don’t have enough bandwidth for me to put them all up, including the crap that spewed from HHP’s mouth!
We choose you Zimkita. Why, because you look like you taking a shit for the first time in 3 weeks and it’s so painful you singing to try relieve the pain! I mean look at her in this video… OUCH!

We thought we would add this 3:15 minute video of the rest of the jokes in the 2 cities, so if you feeling down and have some time or even if you not down and have no time, we sugest watching these nutters! It makes you feel a whole lot better!

So based on this lot, our 3 choices so far being Elvis Blue, Adeline Mocke and Jaime Lee still look set for a good finish and in our opinion won’t get worried by even the people that went through in these 2 cities, barring Simon and Pieter.

Till next time you crazy little Idols Lovers, stay warm with that someone or no one special!

Remember that these and loads of other videoas are available on our YouTube channel. Just click here!

The MCBN Crew.

Our frustration with the inability of any of the news readers to pronounce any of the words properly led us to send a mail through to the SABC… Someone from the basement replied with this hardly legible bit of scrawl obviously photocopied from the company manual distributed at induction- explaining the whole thing- GO SABC.

Oh yeah… and I almost forgot to mention-

ITS A 4 DAY WORK WEEK!!!!!!! Now go forth and enter some of the awesome competitions we have going- BASEMENT JAXX and ROCKING THE DAISIES and please please please nominate us for the SA BLOG AWARDS (buttons on the right hand side)  if you havent already- so we can keep giving away awesome stuff to you :)

A weird by-product of this feature is the random images of people (sometimes naked), cars, drug deals and now MURDER that are captured and uploaded as reference images. Something that has been causing a huge fuss is the image I’ve popped in below- where it looks like some kid is about to get capped for paying late for this month’s shipment of Snickers bars and Skittles. The image was taken in Chicago, USA on Oakley Avenue.

Some people think its a joke (but this would require these kids to know the route of the Google Van thingy), others think they’re just play fighting with a fake gun and then all of the realists think its a kid… about to get shot. To date- there have been no official and conclusive reports on the event. 

So it really doesn’t suprise me that people (including me, to an extent) have certain privacy concerns with the company that keeps us out there and searchable to the world on the interweb…Despite this resistance Google have busted a fat up yours to the world and added a couple more cities to their global list of places that need to be “GMAPPED” or Google Mapped (I, totally made that acronym up, just now- so proud right now).

Just so that we’re clear and dont get kidnapped in the night by mysterious thugs with throwing hats that cut through pillars and  shit- MyCityByNight loves Google ok…

hey whats that black car doing outside……….

Here comes yet another monster long weekend in the most beautiful Republic of South Africa- Monday’s a holiday and MyCityByNight is going girly for Women’s Day!

MyCityByNight are HUGE South Park fans, and having just watched the latest season 14 from start to finish in one beautiful sitting, we thought a poll was needed on the top 10 South Park episodes.
These are our top 10!
We have included links to clips, which you will need Shock Wave player for, which is available here. You robbing yourself of genius if you dont watch these clips!

So here is our selection:

10. Major Boobage (Season 12): In this episode the boys try to help Kenny kick the latest drug craze that has become a hit with schoolchildren across the nation. Once Kenny cheeses, he trips into a world that he can truly enjoy… Clip 1 Clip 2

9. Up the Down Steroid (Season 8): Jimmy and Timmy are competing in the Special Olympics, but Jimmy is using steroids to gain the edge on the competition.
Once Cartman finds out that the winner will receive a $1000 cash prize, he devises a plan to get into the event, thinking he can easily beat all the handicapped kids and win the money… Clip 1 Clip 2

8. Something You Can Do With Your Finger: Stan wants to be in a boy band with the other bands. Randy will not let him. The best scene of the show is when Randy breaks down and says that he was in a boy band when he was younger. How he left South Park for the fame, but came home being lame. Indeed, it was a tragic tale. Stan and Randy both end up joining the boys band Fingerband and performing at the mall. Clip 1 Clip 2

7. Casa Bonita (Season 7): Kyle is going to Casa Bonita for his birthday, but he can only bring three friends. He chooses Stan, Kenny, and Butters. Cartman, outraged by not being chosen, comes up with a plan to take Butters out of the picture… Clip 1 Clip 2

6. Le Petit Tourette (Season 11): Cartman becomes obsessed with Tourette’s Syndrome after seeing a kid with it at the toy store. He finds out that with Tourette’s, he can say whatever he wants without consequence. Naturally, he calls a National TV station and takes full advantage of his new ‘problem’… Clip 1 Clip 2

5. Over Logging (Season 12): One day the citizens of South Park wake up and find the internet is gone. When Randy hears there may still be some internet out in California, he packs up his family and heads west… Clip 1 Clip 2

4. You Have 0 Friends (Season 14): When Kyle begs Stan to “friend” him, Stan gets sucked into Facebook. This is a great episode to show the madness that is Facebook and how it can ruin happy homes!… Clip 1 Clip 2

3. Good Times With Weapons (Season 8): The boys buy Martial Arts weapons from the county fair, and turn into Ninja warriors (the episode then becomes Anime-style animation). However, when one of Kenny’s ninja stars gets thrown into Butters’ eye, the boys must do the only logical thing possible, dress Butters up as a dog and take him to the vet. Their parents cannot find out that they were playing with weapons… Clip 1 Clip 2

2. Medicinal Fried Chicken (Season 14): Cartman’s favourite restaurant has been shut down and replaced by a store that sells medical marijuana. Randy is so desperate to get a prescription card to buy pot and Cartman will do anything to get his beloved fried chicken back… Clip 1 Clip 2 Clip 3

1. Scot Tenorman Must Die (Season 5): Cartman goes medieval on Scott Tenorman’s ass when ginger-haired Scott tricks our supple hero into buying his pubic hair for $16.12. Radiohead guest stars and plays a role in Cartman’s elaborate scheme at getting sweet revenge on his unsuspecting foe.… Clip 1 Clip 2

Honorary Mention…

Turkey Day With Tiger (Season 14): Plays on the Tiger Woods affair issue. The boys play it in a video game. Brilliantly done episode!… Clip1 Clip 2

What are you favourites?

Laters MCBN’ers

PS. Cartman for PRESIDENT!

Now some of you may have heard of this and even seen it, but I know you wanna see it again! Those of you that haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour… WATCH THIS CLIP! It’s hilarious and just has to start here in Cape Town!

It’s called Tarp Surfing or Tarping if you in the know and already a ‘Tarper’…? Oh behave!

Man oh man, I just love wacky shit, and this has taken the cake for me… well this week at least!

Would love to hear from anybody that’s done it or keen to do it for a MCBN Cape Town Tarping special! If we get enough interested parties… It’s on like a scone!

 We can already picture it… The MyCityByNight World Tarping Champs, hosted in the Mother City!

 Booooom!

Being the nice guy that I am- I just decided to take one (so he could get it over and done with sooner rather than later) and my goodness am I glad I did.

You see- he handed me a flyer for a 2 “doctors” who have used their extensive experience to come up with a 7-1 PENIS COMBO!!! Yessss!

In truely politically correct style they havent forgotten about you ladies either- Yes thats right they also offer cures for “women’s problems” like marriage, divorce, differences, lost love and yup you guessed it “woman pains”. Praise the lord!

I think I nearly cried from laughter when I read the testimonials on the back-

Right- finally… Now I can finally rub some strange ointment onto my penis- with no idea of the side-effects. I’m making an appointment as we speak.

Ps. Small penis jokes will not be tolerated because they are offensive- and we’re clearly against that here

So tonight Ricky and myself will be heading to the Funny Bones comedy club where they have their weekly fix of comedy. I got the invite from Ricky who was invited by Richard Hardiman (one of the comedians) and Stacey Norman (Kfm hotty) so we thought why not go out and have some laughs and a couple drinks to go with it. Never hurts to have a couple of drinks and some laughs. So we are going to do ourselves a Long Street mission and maybe the usual Fiction naughtiness afterwards. Tonight Funny Bones has a special line up of acts, with an international act of Gavin Bonner from the UK and he will be supported by:

Martin Evans,

Mum-z,

Richard Hardiman

 and Dave Levinsohn (headliner)

Gavin Bonner (UK)

Born in London , Gavin spent much of his childhood in South Africa growing up with a love of rock and African music and rhythms . At the age of thirteen he worked as a voluntary assistant at Johannesburgs’ legendary Market Theatre and was already playing drums in heavy metal bands around the bars of Hillbrow . Thus was his love for theatre and music established at an early age.

A move back to London at aged 14 opened up a world of musical diversity and he played with all kinds of bands touring round England and playing at many festivals including Glastonbury … Years of travel followed to Australia , Europe , Canada , India , Pakistan , Israel ,Egypt , Turkey and more where he absorbed different philosphies , languages , stories and music. In 2004 Gavin settled in Cape Town he is now exploring the world comedic story telling.

ABOUT FUNNY BONES

Funny Bones was the brain child of Marius van der Westhuizen (manager at the Purple Turtle) and Mum-z (Editor of Mumz-The-Word.com). It started in February 2010 and has grown since inception. The Funny Bones stage has already seen the likes of Trevor Noah, Eugene Khoza, Paul Snodgrass, Anne Hirsch, Tracy Klass, Martin Davis, Martin Evans, Richard Deacon, Rustum August, Brendan Murray and many more. It is hosted at the Purple Turtle (Cnr. Long and Shortmarket Street, Cape Town CBD) every Tuesday with a different line-up each week.

So you know its that time of year again, when Gareth is all bastardly (ok thats always), Mara is all sweety this love that, ahhhh baby the rest of it and our dear friend Randall is, well rude and at the same time quite funny actually!

So, no need to feel like a wierdo on the idols site (althought you can obviously go there), we’re bringing it to you, along with all of our other sordidness and craziness on the MyCityByNigth Youtube channel! (Real caring folk arent we!)

So here its is, your IDOLS UPDATE NO.1:

Cape Town Auditions

Well what do we say here, they saved the best for last, in the ultimate mooiness of Adeline Mocke. CT also didnt fail all you girls by giving us the singing talent of Elvis Blue (eye candy for the mooiness that frequent MCBN, as we know you ladies love a guy that plays the Guitar!) Both of whom we hope to see alot of… We love you Elvis, but really hope to see LOADS of Adeline… and be honest, I know you’re reading this post right now, hoping to see more of her!

See if you can work out if she is singing… It took me awhile! In fact i actually turned the TV off with just my amp on to hear the sound, thats the only way i worked out that there was actually a song to go along with her “presence”! So here are our 2 CT favourites live from the MyCityByNight YouTube Channel…

Now role on the CT failure, though funny and worthy of his trophy last year, its still a failure…

Durban Auditions

Durban,  SA’s favourite resort destination…. Apparently…. was the scene of some HORRORS!!!!! Seriously, some of the clips, even we refused to put up on MCBN or the new YouTube channel!

The ones we did decide to put on though, require you to be sitting down and far away from anything breakable, because if you thought that the 2 winners at the end of last years show was a cock up, you are definately gonna wonder why the hell they even have Mara on the show!

Mara my sweet, my love, my angel, and all the other thing you call people…. YOU FAILED! EPICALLY!

Queue the clips…

Mara Mara Mara….. tut tut tut…. I’m sorry MAra Louw, but I really have to bring into question your music knowledge and ethics!
Yes- she may not have been as good as THE OTHER person in the room, which may not, on paper be against the rules, like the 2 NO’s rule, but she was still a TOP 30 and good! In fact better than some of the others that got through! You had even said that you wanted to see her go ALL THE WAY! Whats your skit sweet cheeks? Anyway, you gotta work that out, but I can tell you that you didn’t make too many friends on Sunday night, especially here on the MCBN network!

That all said and done, it was all made right in viewing world by this little legend who works for the department of health!

You gotta love that guy!

Lastly on the note from the guy above and for those of you that did watch idols, you just gotta agree with me here…..
STEVE HOFMEYER, YOU A PERV AND A FREAK MY GUY, CHECK YOURSELF!!!!

Laters MCBN’ers!

We were sent the link to this pretty hilarious video, which features the likes of Will Ferrell as Jeff Vuvuzela, the apparent true inventor of our favourite noisemaker! Its pretty funny stuff

I see Paris Hilton has found a good use for it as has Jacki Selebi the lying basterd. Another great piece by Zapiro but if you want to check the other stuff he has done in the past this year:

Mini shower heads everywhere…

His Windhoek ad where he takes a stab at ol Julius who has been extremely quiet over the last few weeks, thankfully!

The Vuuv is making it’s way around the world. Even Cyanide and Happiness are using it. This is classic… I love the Cyanide and Happiness humour, it’s really special sometimes!

In this illustrious list of evil dictator facial hair, first place has got to go to Hitler. This tyrant’s short, “postage stamp” styled moustache became a distinctive symbol of the highly ordered, all business, no blacks or jews vibe that he was preaching to the Germans at the time. What many people don’t know is that Hitler preferred a wide, curling circus performer styled moustache, but in WWI, while he was serving in the German army he was ordered to trim it down.  So he did, changing world history forever. Just imagine if he had kept his original moustache though? Surely the German people wouldn’t have been as receptive to his wild, all funk and fun tash… with that kind of example, the Nazis wouldn’t have even made it to Poland.

Stalin was always known to do EVERYTHING differently from Hitler… even down to what he thought a proper tyrant’s facial hair should look like. Stalin believed more moustache = more man, and it showed through his bison sized moustache and the zillions of Russians that conveniently “disappeared” whenever he didn’t dig their vibe. Stalin’s powerful, yet impeccably-groomed, upper lip oversaw one of the most powerful dictatorships in human history. 

One of the most talked about, long lasting, charasmatic and respected dictators of all time, Castro drew much of his staying power from his gnarly beard.  While other dictators like Hitler and Stalin claimed to represent the people, they were really elitists, and it showed on their well-prepared faces.  Castro was a man of the Cubans, a man of the people and it showed in his beard.  It was wild and scraggly — clearly an underdog beard, much like my own, if I ever decided to grow one — but Castro made the most of it.  As he got older, the beard was graced by several silver strands, which represented Castro’s great wisdom and ability to use his face fluff to sell things like “power does not interest me, and I will not take it” to the Cuban people. Let this one fact be known about evil dictator facial hair: beware the beard. He who has it, is a wildcard. 
 

I know what you’re thinking.  “Kim Jong-Il doesn’t even have any facial hair!”  Ha! Exactly. Kim Jong-Il has a very important, classic dictator facial hair set-up: the absence of a tash.   According to his official biography, his birth was foretold by a swallow (seriously), and caused a double rainbow and a new star to appear in the night sky (What, no wise men too?). Now can you see why he wouldn’t degrade his blessed and baby soft face with hair?  Facial hair is rough, itchy and unkempt. Facial hair doesn’t cause double rainbows or the birth of galaxies. Kim Jong-Il’s angelic face belies a cruel, calculating mastermind who is now focusing his evil attentions on the poor national football team, who in my opinion did well at the World Cup (I really hope you guys don’t get killed. I’m serious.). Many North Koreans believe he can control the weather based on his mood- only one without any face fur could enact something so dastardly. 
 
 

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful in your life?  Khan broke all the rules.  Even though this tyrant had a wispy moustache and no facial hair at or above his lips, his beard was as dynamic as his ability to conquer nations and slag ous with his sword. A beard like that automatically makes a dictator more intelligent as it lends itself to mystical twirling and pondering like in the kung fu movies. Twirl Ghengis… twirl.

A rather sorry excuse for a dictator and an even more inept offering in the facial hair area from George W’s other best mate Saddam. The man’s moustache says fiesta then siesta when it should be saying I own you and murder ous while reading the daily paper. Saddam clearly watched too many Magnum PI episodes back in the 80’s and his years of torturing people and blowing stuff up finally caught up with him when he was finally caught by US forces cowering in a hole- AND then on top of it he didn’t even have the dignity to be wearing his signature bushy and silly moustache. Tisk.

To all the aspiring dictators out there- I hope that this has been very useful for you. Remember… Perfect that facial hair and the reign of terror and palace living is sure to follow.

Ricky Bynight, out…