Snoop Dogg who is best known for getting really blazed and popping up in people’s hot-tubs has taken a bit of a disliking to the antics of Kim Kardashian and dissed her online. Snoop dishes out some heavy tunage while under his psuedonym of Nemo leaving the estranged Mr Humphries with some sound advice- “You cant make a ho a housewife. It’s not flattering at all (but hella funny).

He then jokes about Kim wanting to trade up from Reggie Bush during a trip to Africa because the kids penis’s were bigger than his. You can imagine that this video isn’t best played loudly at work.

Check out the video in all its NSFW glory (external site).

The name say it all, literally! I would definitely have had a tough time not laughing if I got on this train. It must have been hilarious if you were one of the people who didn’t know of the no pants train. Take a look at this video and try put yourself in this situation…  One of those #thatawkwardmoment popped into my head immediately…

Falling in love isn’t what it used to be. It was once a leisurely stroll along a pearly beach, the soft embrace of her hand upon yours as the sun carelessly drops beneath the horizon, your lips touching, deep breathing, passionate coitus upon silk sheets with a light breeze and the aromatic fragrance of rose petals permeating the air. Now, it’s a bottle of cheap wine, a 4am MacDonald’s meal and the courtesy of a “thank you” after she managed to make her feet touch the back of her neck. Romeo and “undying commitment” has been replaced by Chris Brown and “fist gestures” and Valentines Day is now only good for a “Dress only in Red” party at Tiger Tiger. And thus marriage’s sanctity has lost the value it once held. No longer is death the only reason to part ways; inSouth Africait is now legitimate to cite “impotency” as a legal ground for divorce. “I swear baby this has never happened before… should have signed the fucking pre-nup.” Now Im 25 and I see people my age slowly starting to tie the knot. Is it this fallible commitment doomed to collapse? Or is it now time to take relationships a bit more seriously?

InAfrica42 percent of girls under-18 are married. In over 92% of those cases the male is old enough to legally buy beer. And while I’m sure that Sierra Leoneans are keen to get their drink on before they come of age, one has to consider that love is not the mitigating factor when it comes to wedlock. This is seen on a global scale, where 23% of American marriages end in divorce before reaching the 5 year mark and 43% by the time they hit their 15 yearCrystalanniversary. Love is eternal? Until the money runs out, or she adds those extra pounds that her mother’s waistline warned you about. Shakespearean romance appears to have dematerialized; we might still see the occasional couple who are in their nineties and still happy as peaches, but that’s because they got married 70 fucking years ago. How many grey haired wrinkly old stooges will still be wrapped in each others embrace come 2080? Do I dare be the Cupid executioner and say that love does not last? You smell the same morning breath steaming down your neck enough times and eventually that fountain of love will run dry.

But don’t, for a second, think that entering a marriage doomed to failure is a fruitless endeavor. Rupert Murdoch’s wife fleeced the old hound for 1.7 billion dollars when their nuptials finally came home to roost. But I can understand from her position:

A.)  He is, invariably, a poes.

B.)  His man-stallion must look like 16 dried apricots on a string.

Age, unfortunately, removes beauty and if the love isn’t intertwined through the heart of the relationship then by 60 you have little to hold onto; especially if you can leave him for a Spanish pool boy and enough cash to build your own nuclear power plant. The advantages of staying with a person versus leaving them sometimes just don’t add up. This is coupled with our celebrity role models who can’t seem to hang onto a marriage longer than a sky jumper’s freefall; the famous Kardashian 72 day ultra-marriage paying homage to that. Britney Spears’ fleeting day long marriage holds a rather blistering torch to ‘ol Kim’s transitory matrimony, and these are the people our young ones hold in esteem. Beniffer, Brangelina, Tom Cruidman (OK that was my attempt, but trust Cruise to fuck everything up), are all twisted doomed engagements that our kids look up to, why wouldn’t marriages fail?

At the end of the day my folks got married when they were 25 and are still almost strangely perfect in wedlock. Should we get married that early though? With what we know about marriage nowadays should we be saying “I do” before we say “I have a boil on my bum and I need you to do an evaluation”? What’s the hurry?  Fall in love, treasure that love and don’t take the obvious route. Know your partner back to front and inside out. Divorce is not something that should ever happen and in the 1800’s suicide was a more preferable exit. For the first time two years ago the average age of Americans getting married went past the 30 mark. Good. You don’t get a tattoo of a scorpion on your dick when youre 16. Why? Cause youre gonna feel like a right chop when you know better, even though it seems genius at the time. This is all of course until you knock some chick up, then get on one knee and be eternally regretful that she didn’t just get down on both of hers.

~Stroob~

Follow Stroobz on Twitter for more crazy talk: (click here)

Remember the Old Spice ads that caused such a stir virally last year? Well the Old Spice ad’s are back in 2012 and this time, they are blowing minds!

I must admit, I had a big laugh when I saw Chuck Norris was in one of the ads for new World of Warcraft (WOW) game.  I guess if Chuck Norris approves, then so should the rest of us?!

This is what the caption below the Youtube video had to say: Chuck Norris didn’t break a sweat filming the newest World of Warcraft television spot. Instead, he made the director cry and then cooled himself with the tears

With the end of 2011 firmly in sight, you would have noticed that the internet and media has been flooded with a series of lists. Top ten this, best entertainers that… We at MyCityByNight are never far from global trends so decided to jump onboard the bandwagon of lazy- end of year content production and come up with our very own.

Instead of the traditional top ten I decided to throw together a list of the 5 South Africans that I would most like to have sundowners with after the more than entertaining year of 2011. Obviously the likelihood of such a drinks evening ever happening is not very high, I still like to dream.

The guestlist for the extra special MCBN All South African Sundowners (MCBN ASAS) would be something like this:

Steve Hofmeyer

Steve is a proud matriculant from Grey College who is synonymous with drama. He is an ardent supporter of the Blue Bulls and constantly gets embroiled in controversy whether because of proposed lyrics in his hit singles that are offensive to Black people or a full on beef with U2′s Bono that reportedly ended in him throwing his R5000 U2 Concert tickets into the Jukskei River in protest. Steve will be there to engage in intriguing conversation about how he has Black friends, pausing briefly to serenade all of us with his wonderful new album while we sip on our cocktails of choice.

Julius Malema

Julius always seems to make the news… I think it has something to do with that amazing smile and razor sharp wit of his. The hope is that we’ll be able to regale old stories of when he used remove National Party posters instead of going to class and how he came to the conclusion that nationalisation meant the same thing as an end of year bonus. Julius will also keep us entertained with his majestic use of the English possibly leaving us with quotes as stirring as the one made by him in reference to then ANC President Thabo Mbeki

“We are leaving this dead snake, but we must bury it, it is dead now,”

or even this one about Democratic Alliance (DA) party leader Helen Zille, a white woman, after she was elected premier of Western Cape province.

“She, the racist little girl, must remember that Zuma is her boss,”

Nonthle Thema

BOOM! Sit down.

Wait what? Are you talking to me?

The evening of drinks wouldn’t be complete without the less than totally sane chick who made her name on Channel O interviewing one or two noteworthy International stars. Once slightly tipsy Nonthle would compare herself to deity and then proceed to tell all of us how poor we are in comparison, which is going to be interesting considering the bank accounts of the rest of the guests aren’t exactly that of poverty stricken SA shack dwellers. There’s also a hidden bonus in inviting the ex-video jockey around- free stuff! She’s endorsed everything from relaxers to cars, so I’m sure at bare minimum we’d all be able to score a courtesy gift pack for our troubles.

Michael Mol

Michael Mol is the all South African, South African. He’s the guy all girls’ mothers love and has done exceptionally well over the years to establish himself in industries other than medicine. This year saw him get his very own tv show along with continuing to cameo on early morning breakfast shows and voice-overs in bathrooms in airports as well. So why him? Well could you imagine Michael trying to come up with corny one-liners to keep the peace at this drinks evening? I could… and it would be great to watch.

Kenny Kunene

The ZAR Sushi King is the freaking life of the party. All you have to do is watch his “So what” TV show to know that this guy is the business. He’d take care of the dinner eats by providing some naked human tables for sushi as well as supplying us with some real French champagne to spray on each other, while the homeless guy watching our cars asks for a 2 rand. Having honed his party promotion skills inside prison my man Kenny will make sure that our All South African Sundowners is the best event of the year!

I think that’s it… that’s the list. In my mind that’d be the most entertaining night out in a long time and a perfect way to cap off 2011.

What about you? Are there any additions you’d like to make to the list?

Here is a Youtube compilation of the Best Fails of 2011! Enjoy

These days, just about everyone has a blog… even my mother- on her bit of internet real estate she talks about flowers, beads and other shiny things that fascinate gypsies (I am convinced my mother is actually a gypsy). A blog is snapshot of life, seen through the eyes of the online publisher- it allows us to live alongside them for as long as it takes for us to get bored and click through to the next. Having grown MyCityByNight into the online McDonalds playpen that it now is along with Kreg and Stacky, I frequently get asked for advice on how to generate similar amounts of excitement and traffic from arbitrary thoughts and ramblings. So I’ve decided to help all aspiring bloggers and purveyors of online entertainment with a guide for being great… as great as some of the favourites here in South Africa.

You see, there are different types of bloggers. They each have a particular mould and style and people follow them for a reason. For ease, I will divide the different variants up into broad categories with names that are made up (and have totally nothing to do with blogs with similar names). From this list, you should be able to draw on all of these traits and become a superblogger- capable of getting enough free stuff to support you and your fetish for samples (that is why most of you do it, right?).

Hangers & Cash

If you go the Hangers & Cash route it is very important to remember that it is all about you as a personal brand. Try show up to meetings drunk and pick a random and totally un-content related item to associate with your blog… like say a moustasche. Have made up names for people and consistently refer to them in the 3rd person. eg “The Cleaner” and I decided to surf some waves. It’s also all about being the guy that intrigues pretty much everyone, wear a hat, show up to parties holding a balloon and constantly have cryptic conversations on social media platforms with people in your friends circle that make your life seem like one large bowl of awesome. You should inspire others to be better human beings (even just a touch as cool as you), one post at a time. As an added note- be sure that everyone that you are seen to be talking to online is equally as cool/filled with angst as you are. Never… never endorse anything you don’t personally use/believe in- otherwise by next week you’ll be going on about how much you love apple flavoured lube (when we all know guava is the best flavour).

MR (INSERT A CITY HERE)

It is a fairly big deal to take on the entire name of a city and put yourself out there as its self-appointed significant other. You are going to need to know a lot of people. This is where the core of the MR (INSERT A CITY HERE) blogging approach lies- the masses. You’re kinda like the People’s Champ- the guy who everyone can relate to as being one of them. Focus on drinking brands that are slightly less than premium (think along the lines of a papsak) and talking about all the places and things we all love but are often a little embarassed about indulging in (like going to the Spur). Then to make things more interesting, be incredibly filthy at every opportunity possible. If someone mentions bread- make a joke about yeast infections. Then at the drop of hat, clean up your act and mention how excellent you would be at managing any brand anywhere- based on your ability to remain out of jail even after all of the sexual harassment lawsuits.

Not another food/nightlife/music blog

This one is slightly easier than most of the others, as it doesnt require you to manage your reputation online in anyway. You’re anonymous so you can spew just about whatever hatred comes into your head about a particular topic (clubs, restaurants, bowling alleys). It also makes for more entertaining reading if you are an ex-employee of the industry that you’re hating on and can get really technical. Just remember it’s only good if you write really long run on sentences without any punctuation while you talk about how cool hipsters think they are in their hats and “vintage” sandals (much like I have just done). 

2Riversvibe

This one is probably the most difficult because it requires you invent an entire lifestyle and then be seen to be living it all the time. This will typically involve you doing strange things like sitting on top of a table when out and about on the town, but hey it adds to your allure. You’ve always got to be cutting edge when it comes to what you are offering (basically just take what they’ve done overseas and do it here, before anyone else can afford the new overpriced tech). Once you’ve got a bit of a following make sure to train others to write like you do, to keep the content coming while you get your brand out there in every form of media out there. Start an online radio station from your bedroom and have your best mates on as djs (that way you can convince them that they will one day be paid when you get sponsored with much more ease).  Even if you’re actually the complete opposite to your tagline, buy into the idea with everything you have… be the… um… well… the holiday. If you crack this one- you will be on some Super Saiyen Level 6 Dragon Ball Z type shit- people are going to need to use the Fusion technique to stand a chance at beating you.

GoParty

The trick here is have an action statement as the name of your blog- like GoParty, thus telling everyone exactly what they should do after reading your blog. A nifty trick is to put a DONT before the action statement- this will make everyone want to do the action even more (basic psychology). Here it is very important to be underground- so underground that you can heat up your waffles on the core of the earth. Your following will be grown through throwing a series of parties featuring the hottest in electronic entertainment and you will need to be ill behaved at all parties you attend. Remember though- you need to keep your street cred in tact, so no-one and I mean no-one can know about your tendency to sing Keisha in the car. Oh and where possible graffiti things with your blog logo- letter boxes, the beggar at the traffic lights… everything.you.can.find.

DeathisTame

Over here the angle is sex, followed by hope. If you are lucky enough to blessed with some decent looks put some saucy pics of you on your headers and avatars- this will immediately gain you a fairly solid following of mooiness. These girls will believe that you are a shining beacon of hope that pretty guys can have brains too. Remember. Stress how big your arms are while chilling out at Caprice or wherever. For added mystery spend a couple of months in a different country, blog about how you’re trying to win money on a craps tournament because you’re allowed to be there, because your aunt owns a cake shop or something equally touching. Refer to yourself in the third person occassionally- but make sure to make it grand- maybe refer to yourself as Papi Tame.

OurCityAllDay

Here the key is to go on about how your work is all for the people and the community that support your endeavours online with their traffic- even give them their own name in the same way that Locnville calls their fans Locnvillens- it’s smells of ass but does wonders to foster a sense of family. Run competitions… competitions for everything- if someone is giving away their granny, get those fuckers to like your Facebook Fan Page and give that old woman away at the end of the week. BOOOM! (place this or some other nonsensical word after all paragraphs). To keep people coming back, always be as honest as possible- even if this does get you some fire from club owners/promoters and PR agencies- I mean who needs them, you’re that friggin cool already, right?

Then as a final way to ensure your success in the blogging world- give all of your competitors a digital high 5 at every opportunity and wherever possible be seen to be getting absolutely sloshed together- mooiness and corporate brands love this- you’ll have a fucking awesome six pack of the latest energy drink waiting at your door at home with at least 5 offers from people wanting to pay for advertising banner space on your site.

After all of that I’m trying to make one real point to everyone out there… There isnt one formula for success. Just be you- if people like you, they’ll visit your site, share your links and do tequila shots out of your belly-button (if only on tuesdays after the full moon). 

BOOOM! (fuck you)

I got sent this video from my mate Art and this guy doesn’t waste time sending me boring stuff. Strongbow, the Australian cider has come up with an awesome campaign that will no doubt go viral on Youtube in no time… This clip almost reminds me a bit of the Art of Flight expect it depicts the ‘Welcoming Of Summer’ with some Aussie surfers trying to crack an attempt at the largest glow in the dark surf attempt at Bondi Beach. Check this out:

To mark the start of summer, Strongbow joined forces with legendary surfing filmmaker Jack McCoy (Endless Summer II), Bali Strickland and Eugene Tan (Aquabumps) to capture Australia’s largest glow in the dark surf attempt at Bondi Beach. On summer’s eve, 17 Strongbow surfers descended on Bondi Beach in custom made glow-in-the-dark surfboards and wetsuits as an official “welcome to summer” for Strongbow. Channel 10′s Bondi Rescue lifeguards, Corey Oliver and Andrew Reid, were among the surfers taking part. Hundreds of onlookers lined the beach and the Bondi Icebergs balcony to catch a glimpse of the spectacle.
Executive Producer – Josh Cilento
Director of Photography – Jack McCoy

We’ve never shimmied away from the contraversial here at MyCityByNight and in the spirit of keeping things as they should be we’ve got the tasty ad from Nandos entitled “Last Dictator Standing”. The cheeky ad has been causing quite a fuss online and has gone viral since the brand new campaign launched last week.

The ad features all of our not so favourite dictators enjoying the good times when they could all blow things up and make sand angels in the desert. Yes all of the above happens as a lookalike Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe reminisces about better times with rather nasty despot type leaders like Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gadaffi and former apartheid leader PW Botha.

The ad is promoting the 6 piece meal with the idea that no-one should ever have to eat alone. Credit needs to go to the director Dean Blumberg and the creative team behind the ad. It’s racey but keeps the brand at the forefront of what everyone is thinking but too scared to say. What do you all think? Too much? Is it just the right amount of peri-peri?

I got sent this link yesterday (Thanks Guy) and got stuck into the trailer for Jonah Hill’s new movie, The Sitter. I had to watch the trailer over again, it was that funny. If you are a Jonah Hill fan then this is definitely for you. The best part about this trailer is that Jonah introduces everything himself with a bunch of kids firing questionings at him. The movie is directed by David Gordon Green (The same dude that did Pineapple Express) and also stars Sam Rockwell, Ari Graynor and Method Man. Check it out for yourself:

IMDb write up: A comedy about a college student on suspension who is coaxed into babysitting the kids next door, though he is fully unprepared for the wild night ahead of him.

Going back 6 years, Zula Bar has been the place to be for the best Cape Town comedy every Monday evening and on the 7th November 2011, Zula Bar introduces Comedy on Long – weekly comedy nights held every Monday featuring Cape Town and South Africa’s best comedic talent.

Every night in the installment will feature a host, support act, headline act and an open mic act. The comedy will start at 9pm sharp but Zula Bar’s doors are open from 7pm where you and your friends can enjoy some dinner at Zula Bar before laughing your ass off.

Comedy on Long is collaboration between Zula Bar (www.zulabar.co.za) and Mumz The Word (www.mumz-the-word.com). R50 gets you in. It is R40 for all Comedy on Long members. To be a member just fill in the form on this link. The first 40 people to sign up for membership will get free entrance:

The launch will feature some of our favourite comedians looking after your entertainment for the night. Expect Martin Evans, Paul Snodgrass and Mum-Z to make sure that you leave the show having done a solid ab workout tonight.

Below are the line-ups for November:

7th November:
Host: Martin Evans
Headliner: Paul Snodgrass
Support: Mum-z
Open Mic: Greg Pavess

14th November:
Host: Tracy Klass
Healiner: Mark Palmer
Support: Peter Sserwanga
Open Mic: James Enstrom

21st November:
Host: Martin Evans
Headliner: Dugald Pieterse
Support: KG
Open Mic: Ryan Carelse

28th November:
Host: Tracy Klass
Headliner: Dylan Skews
Support: Carl Webber
Open Mic: Chris Steenkmp
Guest Act: Mojak Lehoko

Okay, I have just watched this video 3 times in a row and I am about to watch it a forth time. I think this guy needs an AWESOME badge. No wonder it has had over 11 million views on Youtube.

Yes you read the heading right… Vulva. Vaginal Scent. Yes. In a bottle!

I come across and get some really mental shit put on my desk and sent to me, but this is up there with a dancing bear getting rogered by a rabbit with a M-16 smoking a cuban while Monica Lewinski re-in-acts her happy time on Bill Clinton!

So what is Vulva?

• The vaginal scent of a beautiful woman – VULVA Original is NOT a perfume. It is the feminine, erotic, intimate scent for your own smelling pleasure.
• The NEW scent filled into an exclusive glass phial with a comfortable roll-on- applicator with more content of that precious, organic substance.
• The phial is shaken gently, … only a tiny amount of the precious,
organic substance is applied onto the back of the hand… and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head.
• Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the smelling odour of an irresistible woman. Fiction has become reality – to carry around the vaginal scent in order to enjoy
erotic fantasies

Breathe in, and enjoy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! World class!

I don’t know what to say really, other than watch the video and realise the insanity and if I am honest, the hilarity of this advert and what this is! The dude who plays the part must still be in hiding! It’s even been featured on the Jonathan Ross show (2nd video).

So, what you reviews on this? Love to hear what the Mooiness have to say.

Visit them at www.smellmeand.com (Again, I have nothing with that URL)

Enjoy the NSFW gallery below of the advertising visuals that they have. Yes they are real, they from their site!

Our glorious Rainbow Nation, filled to the brim with an eclectic melting pot of kif okes, sweet babes and vuil naais. But there isn’t one singular collective that encompasses all and sundry; for instance I can smell a Joburger from twenty paces, and its not just due to the mandatory 2 cans of Axe body spray that is applied before having dinner in a shopping mall, theres just something about people from all 5 corners of the country that resonates. For a guy who has been thrust into Mzansi magic since birth, there is a definite twang about people from different phone codes, and while Im probably only going to need “911” once half the steroided Stellenboschians have had their morning litre bottle of Klippies and then read this, its still vital that foreigners know what theyre getting into before they visit the doldrums of the new South Africa.

Cape Town

“Chill man, everythings irie, lemme quickly adjust my suspenders on my skinny jeans and I’ll serve you your Jack Black within the next 20 minutes…promise” –  That’s your standard reply from one of the 800 000 former advertising students who are actually just too cool for the industry and are taking some time out, working at a Long Street Bar to really “Find themselves”. Inevitably they go on to do a photography course, followed  by starting a fashion label, all the while insisting that the smell of reefer promulgating the air is helping the flow of creativity. Just a pity about the fucking dedication. It is like the mountain enforces Einstein’s theory that time is relative, but its not, and you need to stop asking for an extension on your deadline. If its not chilled out film students over-pondering irrelevant philosophy then its, well… sweaty gays. Order a hot dog at 4am at BP at Somerset road, make sure you acquire the “extra saucy” option. Better yet, try it in leather pants. Ive got fifty bucks that says you wont make it to your car without at least 4 of the most fabulously divine he-shes begging for “just a little bit of help changing my tyre in a dark alley”. Capetonians are too relaxed, focus too much on midweek partying and designing flyers for upcoming gigs and need to get a real life, where they aren’t 35 and still taking acid at a bush rave and calling it spiritual.

Joburg

“Yussis boet, cant believe this whey protein doesn’t come in more than a 20kg tub”. Personally I don’t know how the majority of Vaalies don’t stare at themselves in the mirror and burst into tears. Word of advice, if you have taken so much muscle builder that you can actually see veins in your forehead, you need to eat some broccoli and take a long introspective walk in a garden maze of some kind. They say the economic hub of the southern tip is high energy, fast paced professionalism. True, but the over abundance of aggression, throughout the economic and social spectrum, is enough to make Ghandi take up arms. If fully grown straight men had a championship to see who could wear the tightest fitting t shirt emblazoned with diamante sequins and tiger prints, then Joeys would account for the 1^st 2^nd and 3^rd teams. I have to wonder if they watch Jersey Shore episodes and have a brainwave of summer fashion.  Fair enough though, I would probably also be a muscle bound rogue if I had a 5 in 4 chance of being raped every day. The crime rages to a point where no one walks along the streets. A good idea of a night out features extensive tours of elaborate shopping malls, where a first-class view is considered to be the people at the other end of the courtyard youre sitting in, or the giant neon “Sports Scene” above the shop adjacent. Joburgers: Chill out, smoke a joint, and stop fucking invading Plett to catch a glimpse of what the ocean really looks like in December.

Durbs

I hate three things in life: The idea that Julius might one day be president, people who wear socks in sandals, and a Sharks supporter trying to blame the ref when they lose another crunch match.  I have tuned the okes from Joeys about aggression, but try wearing a Province shirt to a Saturday Night at Joe Cool’s after a Sharks loss and there will be gang rape. Its definitely a sign of the times when boardshorts and flippies are acceptable attire in a nightclub. Wipe the humidity out your ears and have maybe a little more to show for 200 years of existence than Shaun Pollock and the highest case of domestic abuse in the country. But leader Jacob hails from this section of jungle. So ya… ummm… there’s that. Way to go. By far the sweetest accent on the planet, the cacophony of a Durbanite bears remnants to a deaf Jamaican on ketamine  – “So way kiff bro”. If its not roadside rickshaws its an Indian burning rubber in a modded out ’95 Astra that will get you. Durban poison wasn’t always a weed, in the 70’s it was used by the Apartheid government to nuke all traces of “kiff okes” and sweet “chicks”. They tried to survive, but all you see now are mutated rejects grovelling around a Toxic wasteland. Shame, at least they can claim Stefan Terrblanche. Kif.

Stellies

See Im half unsure whether I should back away from lambasting farm people like this. “Friendly, Warm and Welcoming” translates into 17^th century Stellenboschian dialect as “ a soft poesklap”. More adept at drinking beer, then say… tying your shoes. They have literally tried to get weapons fighting into a local farm church’s charity parade. Masquerading as a varsity town its a place where debauchery and indeed farmyard sodomy reigns supreme. Nestled in the mountains away from the bustle of Cape Town and the ethical obligations of civilized society, The Bosch is a homeland to post-pubescent study-nuts who never want to grow old: A Boere Neverland if you will. And while it might only house these academics for a few years, as they swiftly move to greener pastures, the impact upon them will last a lifetime.  If the B Com Marketing degree you got from Maties doesn’t find you a treasure trove of work, feel safe in the notion that theres always your uncle’s sheep pleasuring business up the road. Long live the Dutchmen.

So you see, everyones a cunt in SA. If you haven’t been mentioned in this article then that is proof that youre even more of a cunt then most. The nice part is that occasionally we all come together in some thunder ball of genetically modified bullshit and we have this multi cultural unique world of intrigue and coloureds train surfing. If you can stand aside and just appreciate them all for the own tangible differences, then we’re the “Oh my god it’s a double Rainbow” Nation. The regular Rainbow nation, but on drugs and shit.

~Stroob~

Follow Stroobz on Twitter: @Stroobz

Ok ok, I know some of you have seen this and it is about a month old, but I have only just seen it, so I’m sure some of you haven’t seen it then.

Anyway, it’s kak funny and Becks rocks it!

We are very lucky to have been blessed with many absolutely brilliant comedians in South Africa over generations extending way back to when Bushman thought that the Dutch would leave them and their land alone (ooooh). Bafunny Bafunny celebrates this by taking a rather honest look at South Africa and the things that make us awesome and unbelievably ridiculous at the same time.

I went to check out Bafunny Bafunny last year and it was the comedy highlight as far as South African comedy goes… It’s hella funny and featuring the cream of the South African comedy crop- Barry Hilton · John Vlismas · Loyiso Gola · Mark Banks · Trevor Noah · Nik Rabinowitz · Stuart Taylor and Eugene Khoza. Prepare to wet yourself and get a good six pack work out.

Both the Durban and Jozi shows have already sold out with Cape Town being the only venue left with some spots in an already near full house.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the below video, but it was just too good to let it slide.

Check out the video of this mountain biker getting OWNED by a buck.

Youtube video caption: Mountain Biker, Evan van der Spuy of Team Jeep South Africa got taken out by a RED HARTEBEES at amountain bike race at Albert Falls Dam. Check out this crazy footage which was taken by team mate Travis Walker on his GoPro Camera – The BUCK sure does STOP HERE with Evan van der Spuy aka #BUCKNORRIS

This made me laugh! Enjoy your Monday.

You want to see how you really break it down to Dubstep? Then check out this video below.

Thanks Luc, this is INSANE!!!

This is brilliant! Well done guys!

We get sent plenty of strange stuff here at MyCityByNight- invitations for marriage to Russian brides, winning the lotto multiple, but this little bit of junk mail really takes the cake…

Good day,

I am Mr. Seif al-Islam Gaddafi., Son of the present president of Libya, Mr Muammar Gaddafi.

Because of the recent resolution by The International community for immediate seizure of the assets of the embattled president Mr Muammar Gaddafi, both in cash and properties around the world, Am Mr Saif Al Islam Al Gaddafi, who is the chairman of Gaddafi International Charity and Development Foundation (GICDF). I have made up my mind to urgently look for an international investment partner to assist with moving and investment of $66.9 Million US Dollars which is in cash and is stashed in two trunk boxes in Algeria.

The boxes can be moved directly to you in your country and once you receive the box, you will help us to invest the money in a lucrative business. Please note that this is a very confidential transaction and should not be mentioned to a third party. We will be willing to give you 15% of the total cash for your help in this transaction. We want to move the funds out of Africa ASAP due to the civil war in Libya at the moment and we do not want to use regular banking method as we do not trust any European Bank. Please if you agree to help, you should not worry about your safety as we have logistics in place to move the box through diplomatic courier and it will be delivered to your doorstep without any problems.

If this interest you, kindly send me the following details:

1. Your full name

2. Your contact cell phone number

3. Your age

4. Your sex

5. Your occupations

6. Your full contact address including city, state and country

Awaiting your urgent response.

May Allah bless you as you assist my family.

Yours faithfully,

Seif al-Islam Gaddafi.
For my family.

Um yes. Ok then. This was our response.

Hey Seif al-Islam,

Thanks for considering us as potential partners- although as enticing as this offer is, genocide is not on our current “to-do” list. However, we would like to offer up some advice with regards to your dilemma.

When exporting your $66.9 Million US Dollars, please make sure that the two trunks that the cash is kept in have a lock on them- maybe just one of those one’s you get to keep your gym bag safe when working out. I mean, TIA and all of that shit.

Also… maybe some background research is needed… The South African Postal Service is up to shit and your loot will probably get pilfered or even delivered to a staunch anti-despot lifestyle neighbour, who may use the money to give to the poor, or build an economy with.

Anyways- thanks for the prayers and blessings and stuff- man do we need it.

Yours Sincerely,

MyCityByNight

Earlier this week reports started surfacing that Paris Hilton decided to take a break from making pornos in night vision and searching for her BFF to pursue her latest calling in life- becoming a house a dj.

Good old Paris has been travelling the globe shadowing a few of the world’s more popular commercial DJs in preparation for recording a “house music-inspired” album later this year. The Heiress has reportedly become close friends with international DJs Afrojack and David Guetta and is supposedly in Ibiza busy recording an album with the long haired commercial dj on his way to SA later this year.

A few “top” djs, who obviously wanted to have sex with Paris went on to tell her that she has the potential to become the “Queen of house music” because “no woman has ever taken over in that arena”- once again proving the ignorance of her close friend group.

Personally I’m not that amped because chances are that Guetta is going to make it cheesy enough to get played everywhere, meaning that I’ll eventually be forced to listen to it. I suppose if she keeps with the dance music trend of pointless videos with tons of mooiness in them (or has sex to one of her songs), I’ll at least be able to take solace in that.

Checking your balls for testicular cancer just got sexy with one of our Mooiness Rhian Sugden! See her super hot post HERE!

This is classic with a great message!

Comedy is good for you… Laughing keeps you young, entertained and feeling less crappy about your life. Its for this reason that we love going down to local spots around South Africa to check out the best comedy that’s on offer. Just as Darwin once came up with the Theory of Evolution, Cape Town comic Werner Weber has done extensive research to formulate his very own theory: Devolution – The Theory Of Stupid.

We haven’t been to one of his live shows just yet but he is widely considered as one of Cape Town’s best up and coming stand-up comedy acts by the people that count and he is proud to present his début one man show that takes on Darwin’s sacrosanct Theory Of Evolution, focussing on how it applies to Nature’s most magnificent ape, the Human Being. He tackles topics such as chivalry, romance, bipolar dogs, seagulls with an attitude and chickens grown in the lab- could you hope for better?!

He speaks his mind, although not always in his own voice; fusing the voices of several prominent celebrities with his somewhat distorted view of the urban jungle.

Werner will be onstage from the 26th till the 28th of September 2011 at the On Broadway Theatre in Cape Town. Tickets are on sale at Computicket at R70 per ticket.

Competition Time:

We’re giving away a double ticket to each of his 3 shows. Just drop us a comment telling us which night you’d prefer to go on… Winners announced Friday 23rd September

 
This.is.awesome!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

This dog has to be the raddest dog EVER! He definitely gets an A for Awesome. It’s hard enough doing parkour as a human, but Tret has got this shit down. Check this beast out.

Via Mr Cape Town

While the riots have been a complete mess over in London for the passed few nights (the “reality” viewing has been INSANE), there has been a website that has popped up which has provided some comic relief. It’s called Photoshoplooters where people get to submit their own photoshopped version of the London Riots. #LondonRiots

The more that get submitted, the more I will add to this group of pics (if they are worthy)

More pictures: (click here)

 
Thanks to the one half of Plusminus for this AWESOME video. For anyone getting a tattoo, don’t EVER act like this! You will look like a bitch.

While trawling the usual social platforms, I came across the same post on both Facebook and Twitter and it SERIOUSLY had me in stitches. It has now been made clear by OpenYourMindSA (click here for facebook page) that the Assembly and it’s owners are part of the Illuminati. Due to the Assembly’s logo, flyer and stage designs, its resemblance to the “all seeing eye” & the Illuminati triangles are a little too close for comfort it seems. Check out this picture which I must add has had lots of effort and time put into it:

Click pic to enlarge it

This is what the caption below the picture says (on their fanpage):

Assembly – a club in Cape Town, SA. Owned by a group of Jewish families, the majority stakeholders’ father & grandfather both been major players in pushing for globalisation.. though we will refrain from saying who they are. This is a collection of flyers, artists who perform at the club regularly, live shows and screenshots from their website. Note all the symbolism with the all seeing eye and pyramids, and if you mirror their logo it also becomes a pyramid with a seperated capstone. Please chose download option below image to see it bigger. Note…’Discotheque’ is a brand name used for the parties every friday night, the same with ‘See you next wednesday’

I have never in my life laughed so hard at something so pathetic, although I do think Assembly does spew a lot of filth on Friday and Saturday nights, which I am a part of most of the time. *confused face*

Quick question then: Does that mean I am now part of the Illuminati?

OpenYourMind SA – Wake up!